This I'll Try
by Sweetlilloz
Summary: A one shot based of 5x01 although it doesn't need to be seen to understand it.


It had been the same thing every night for months now, she would come knock on his door and he would ignore her. Tonight though she had, had enough of it, maybe it was their latest case, maybe it was the lack of sugar in her system as Sam refused to feed her habit and Callen always ended up eating it first. But tonight she wasn't going to take silence as an answer. Walking up to his front door she knocked on it like she had every other night. However tonight when her partner did not answer she did not give up and walk back to her car, looking back before she drove off, to see the curtain move slightly.  
Tonight she lent her head against the door, waiting till she saw the curtain move then pressed something to the window. It was the file Granger had compiled against her back when he thought she was killing off people from her father's sniper unit.

"I said it then, and I'll say it again. You are the only one I trust, Deeks I know you must hate me for leaving you there when you asked me to help you leave. I hate myself for it. I- honestly I can't get that look on your face out of my head. I need you Deeks, I need my partner back, the one who helps me laugh, who makes light of situations that I wouldn't otherwise be able to handle. Please just let me in. I may not know entirely what you're going through but I have been there. You know I have, with Jack and there wasn't anything I could do for him, I'd never been in a situation anything close to what he had been through. But I have with you, we all have. Don't shut me out please, I- I- Deeks please" Kensi kept her eyes locked with his till he dropped the curtain and she could see that he walked back and sat on the couch in his living room. A tear rolled down her cheek and she shook her head to try and stop the others from falling as well. Why did this have to happen to him, to her jovial, annoying, pain in the ass, shaggy?

"Fine I get it, you want to be alone, you want to wallow in what happened to you it's classic PTSD Deeks" before she could stop herself she was kicking and punching her fists into his door. Tears streamed down her face as she continued to pound the door till one of Deeks's neighbours came out and found her sliding down to the ground head in her hands.

"You doing this is worse than having you die, your still here but you're nowhere to be found. I can't keep doing this," she muttered barely above a whisper. Kensi stopped as a hand rested on her knee looking up she looked into the kind eyes of an older woman who smiled sadly at her.

"I do not think he's listening dear, come one let us get something on those hands of yours." Kensi looked down at her hands to notice there were splinters small trails of blood running down them. Nodding she accepted the older woman's help and walked over to the apartment next to her partners.

-  
Deeks stood at his door a hand resting on it, he'd heard everything even Kensi's last comment, waiting till he heard Mrs. Peterson's door close he opened his to see what the damage was, and there right in the middle of his door were two Rather impressive dents, roughly the size of Kensi's fists. He also noticed that If she had kept kicking his door any longer she would have put a hole right through it. It would have been a fitting resemblance of their current state. His head was so out of it, he couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened to him. That everything else, who he used to be, what he used to love was so far from his reach he didn't know if he'd ever find his way back. Closing has door again he'd leave it for another day or maybe he'd just leave it. Finally turning off the light to his living room he headed back to his bedroom. Things had changed and as much as he wanted to find his way back he didn't know if he could or how.

-  
The following day met them with a blue cloudless sky; Deeks had left his place early, Monty hot on his heels as he made his way down to the beach before sunrise. He'd been sitting on his surf board, out behind the wave break since just before dawn. One of the riskiest times to be there shark wise, but the calm gentle bobbing of the ocean, stilled his frazzled mind and let him for the first time in months have a clarity he used to take for granted. He knew that NCIS and LAPD were getting tired of him; they both understood that he needed time, but his was at the limit, and he really hadn't found any clarity until now.

Sitting here his mind stilled he could appreciate all that was before him. All that had been done for him, and although he knew that, he had a long way to go to get back to the man he was. He had to start somewhere.

"Damn it I hate it when she's right" he muttered shaking his head and laying back down on the board and paddling to the wave break, taking the best wave right to the beach.

-

Kensi, Sam and Callen walked into the bull pen later that morning, the three of them stopped when they noticed there were things on their desks that clearly hadn't been there yesterday. Walking over each agent looked at the boxes carefully; they each frowned till Kensi noticed a note stuck to hers.

_ 'WHAT'S IN THE BOX!'_

Both Sam and Callen noticed the grin that came upon her face as she ripped into the box finding pretty much every one of her favourite sugar laddered treats and a box of donuts. Lifting the lid of the box she noticed there was another note.

_'Please don't give up on me fern, you're the only one who never has, I'm sorry for shutting you out, I'm going to try harder not to.  
Shaggy'_

"Well what does it say?" Callen asked finally opening his box and finding  
a carton of Tootie roll pops, he smiled and nodded and looked over at Sam who was holding a gift certificate for each of his three coffee shops for a month's worth of coffee from each.

"So? Kens the note?" Callen asked again, watching as the women in front of him folded said note and placed it in her bag.

"None of your damn business Callen"

"Whoa I was just ask-

"Ms, Blye is entitled to whether she tells you or not Mr. Callen, now I came over to let you know that Mr. Deeks will be joining us a little later he had something's to attended to this morning. Though I do trust no tasteless jokes will be made this time, Mr. Hanna, Mr. Callen. Now I implore you to enjoy your gifts before you are called to Ops. I myself have been enjoying a delightfully refreshing tea that was given to me this morning." Hetty turned to leave as Nell came over to her with a file.

"There better be, no crumbs left in OPS Miss. Jones as it will not be Mr. Deeks I go after."

"Of course not Hetty" Said Nell as she rushed back upstairs, clearly to tell Eric to clean something up. Out of the two of them he was the messier of the two.

-x-

"Martin Deeks?" Deeks stood up and walked into the office of _counsellor_ Hetty had recommended to him when he had bought the gifts for his team mates in this morning. As much as he liked Nate he wanted someone removed from their team, someone who knew what their jobs were like, but didn't know them. Sitting down he played with his hands a little he was nervous, he didn't want to talk about what happened but he knew if he didn't that he would end up more alone than he felt now.

"Henrietta has, given me a brief run down, of why you are here but I'd like to hear it from you, Martin." Deeks nodded.

"I guess - well I really don't want to be, but- well see I made a promise to someone a while ago, and although I haven't broken it. I may as well have, I haven't been coping with everything that happened very well. I- look as I said I made a promise to someone, and to keep that promise I have to at least try. So I'm here trying" the man in front of him nodded and placed the note pad on his desk before leaning back in his chair.

"For now why don't you tell me about the person who you made this promise with;" Deeks nodded and relaxed a little, as he thought about the one person who had kept him from thinking about the pain, the one person who had never given up on him; even when he'd almost given up on himself.

"Her name is Kensi, actually Kensi Marie Blye and she's well- she my whole world"


End file.
